FROM FRIEND ZONE TO BOYFRIEND
Agnes and Kenneth are friends. As friends, Kenneth pretty much does everything for Agnes. He takes her to places, buys her gifts, listens to all her problems, gives useful advice and goes out of his way to help her when she is in need or in trouble. Kenneth, however, wants to be Agnes’ boyfriend. Agnes, on the other hand, isn’t interested because she got all her boyfriend’s needs covered by Kenneth (and/or a host of other less fortunate male friends). She can be free, non-committed, and still have all of Kenneth’s efforts. That my friend is how Kenneth got trapped in that nasty place called the friend-zone. The Friend-zone is a jail. Now, my interest is to help Kenneth or any pitiable “malafackar” get out of this jail. Call me Scofield.
Someone once said,“all relationships are social exchanges”. A give-take situation transacted consciously or without any pre-arranged agreements. The problem is, Kenneth is giving so much but getting so little, or at least not getting what he needs from his relationship with Agnes. He is selling himself short!There is a need to balance the scales, either Kenneth gives less or Agnes starts giving more. A re-negotiation is imperative.
Now, Kenneth can implement one of these tactics:
- BECOME LESS INTERESTED– The relationship is imbalanced because Kenneth is giving so much, this can rub off as being too clingy or needy. A recoil is needed. A new pastime developed. Kenneth should probably skip Agnes’ birthday to go to the chess club.
- MAKE YOURSELF SCARCE– When something is in short supply, it becomes valued. To get Agnes to miss him, Kenneth should plan his own kidnap. Joking. He should actually go missing, if Agnes doesn’t notice, then she never cared that much.
- CREATE COMPETITION– Real or fake competition? Doesn’t really matter.Kenneth should get another lady friend and go out with her more often. He should also ensure that Agnes is watching when he rubs her (new lady friend’s) cheeks or hold her hand and smile affectionately. This act will ignite jealousy in Agnes’ heart if she ever thought of Kenneth in an amorous way. And when jealousy steps in, that’s the tipping point. Two things can happen, Agnes starts “noticing” towards Kenneth (and they live happily ever after) or she plays the same game with another dude (shit becomes messier).
- BEN FRANKLIN EFFECT– Get Agnes to invest more in the relationship. Ask her to call or text you. Ask her to come to night class with you (take her home afterward). Ask her to buy you plantain chips. Stop doing and start asking! Contrary to the popular belief, people like you more when they do favours for you.
The above steps will help Kenneth increase his worth in the relationship and balance the scales. It will highlight how valuable, desirable and important he is to Agnes. If Agnes doesn’t catch the cue and start valuing Kenneth, then he had better walk away. Life is too short to go about with a shattered heart.
If results are encouraging, directly or indirectly ask “Agnes” out on a real date and pour out your heart to her (with beta lyrics o). Perhaps, you may wish to discuss matters (relationship status) straight up over coffee or you could skip all the preamble and go for the kiss. Huge risk there, if she is not thinking what you are thinking…when you eventually ask her, look and act your best. Be a little persuasive, you must never become overbearing (a huge turn off). Know when a “no” is the final NO. Focus on your worth, don’t be desperate, and be willing to walk away. If she doesn’t like you that way, another girl loves everything about you. Find her.
Finally, if you are specifically looking for a commitment or sex, state it unequivocally. Remember, you are negotiating a transaction, so do not come out feeling shortchanged.
written by PROSPERO IFEANYI